A couple of weeks ago Millie was going through a particularly bad sleeping spell during which 4am became the new wake up time. Quite frankly it was killing me, it was like the new born stage all over again and I wasnt prepared for it the first time round never mind all over again just months after things had started to improve. It did however get me chatting to my mummy friends about lack of sleep and the crazy things we do when we are sleep deprived.
One friend on the day we were chatting was having a major panic that she had dropped the back from her earring and the baby may pick it up and eat it only to text me later that day to tell me she had found it! She had put two backs on one earring that morning! Every friend I spoke to had equally ridiculous stories so I decided to write my top ten sleep deprived mummy moments that really made me chuckle (some could also be my own, I couldn’t possible say….)
1. Accidentally putting your phone in the washing machine with the dirty laundry only realising your mistake when the phone starts flashing taking photographs with each spin of the machine. So pleased my friend managed to get a picture of this!
2. Going to work in odd shoes and not noticing until you sit down in a lunchtime meeting. What makes this one worse is one shoe was flat, the other had a heel and the mummy in question had been wondering why she felt like she was walking a bit wonky all morning.
3. Falling asleep mid night feed then waking up in a blind panic when the baby is no longer in your arms, thinking that you’ve been sleeping on top of them and crushed them. You have in fact already placed them safely back in their crib but you’re so tired you’ve forgotten.
4. Thinking it’s a great idea to make your daughters birthday cake the night before her birthday and realising you only have plain flour. Then going to the shop to buy self raising flour and buying another bag of plain. Too embarrassed to go back to the same shop you go elsewhere and low and behold buy yet another bag of plain flour. Sod it, biscuits will have to do!
5. Sitting in the middle of a baby sensory class and an elderly gentleman interrupts asking if anyone owns a black VW golf parked out on the street, “you’ve left your front passenger door open, and not just unlocked, its wide open onto the street!”.
6. Turning up to a stay and play session and you’re so tired you can’t remember if you’ve cleaned your teeth and put deodorant on so you have to leave promptly to buy a toothbrush and toothpaste.
7. Buying a fresh cooked rotisserie chicken at the supermarket for dinner and losing it on the way home. Just veg and potatoes that night then…
8. Going to work with your top on inside out AND back to front and thinking it was just your necklace irritating your neck not your clothes label.
9. Putting your child’s coat in the bin at soft play instead of the rubbish you’re also carrying and not realising until you get to your car, by which time there is already two cups of coffee and a load of food scraps all over the coat so it’s too gross to retrieve.
10. Answering the door to the pizza delivery man with your boob hanging out mid cluster feed because you forgot to put it away for the 27th time that night.
All of these are actual events that happened to me and some of my mummy friends. I have so many more I could probably write a book, if only I had the time to do so. And there would be a full chapter dedicated to one very special mummy who after seven years of sleep deprivation really has a lot of stories to tell. You know who you are, let’s just call you “Katrina”….